I was venting to a friend of mine recently. She's a therapist. I told her how frustrating it is when business owners say they want to scale, but week after week, they’re still neck-deep in the same mess.

Her answer stopped me cold.

"Some people are emotionally addicted to the chaos," she said. "They say they want freedom, but they’re clinging to their pain like it’s home."

That landed. Because it’s exactly what I see too.

They’re stuck. Not for lack of information. Not because they don’t care. They’re stuck because staying stuck gives them something. In the moment, it satisfies their needs.

They get to be the hero. Or the victim. Or the one who never stops grinding.

I asked her to tell me more so I can understand and try to be more helpful. Here’s the information she shared with me about what’s underneath that behavior:

 ➕ 1. Secondary Gain

Sometimes, staying overwhelmed gives people a payoff.
More sympathy. More attention. More control.
Even if they hate the chaos, it's familiar. And that makes it feel safe.

 👴 2. Repeating the Past

This one’s straight out of Freud. People repeat the same struggles, hoping this time, they'll win.
Same hires. Same client drama. Same revenue ceiling.
Not because they’re dumb. Because they’re trying to resolve something old by recreating it. They want a second chance to correct a mistake.

 🦹 3. Victim Identity and Learned Helplessness

Eventually, some owners start believing that this is just how it is.
“My business can’t run without me.”
“I’ve tried everything.”
That’s not a strategy. That’s surrender.

 💊 4. Emotional Addiction

Dr. Joe Dispenza explains this one. People can literally become addicted to emotions like stress, anxiety, or anger. You know the people who look for drama like it is fuel?
Your body craves the same chemical response, so you unconsciously chase chaos.
You say you want calm, but when you get it, it feels off. So you blow something up.

👂 5. The Echo Chamber

Therapy isn’t the only place people get stuck in talk.
I’ve seen business groups, masterminds, and coaching circles that turn into venting sessions.
Every week is just a rerun. Same problems. No action.
At some point, the conversation has to turn into change. Otherwise, you’re just cosigning each other’s excuses.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth:

You can’t scale a business while clinging to the chaos.

You don’t need more hours. You need more ownership.
You don’t need more hustle. You need clarity.
You don’t need more meetings. You need systems that don’t need you.

What you do need is to let go of the story that’s keeping you stuck.

The moment you stop reacting and start building is the moment your business finally has a shot at running without you.

You started this thing for freedom. Not to be a prisoner of the past.

⌚ Your 5-Minute Challenge

The 5-Minute Challenge this week is a one-page worksheet for you to work through. Click the link below.

🤔 REFLECT: Your Turn

❓ Am I solving problems that shouldn’t exist in the first place? Why do they keep showing up?

❓ Who would I become if I fully stepped into the Owner role, not Operator? What scares me about that version of myself?

Share your story at [email protected].

Stay awesome, stay confident, and keep soaring higher!

— Cheering you on, Nick